


If This is How We Fall Apart

by catbee_3



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, it gets better though, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 05:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8132630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catbee_3/pseuds/catbee_3
Summary: There are always signs when it comes to these sorts of things. Coming home late, lack of interest- Signs.[This was very very loosely inspired off P!nk's 'Just Give Me A Reason']





	

He was late.

He was always late coming home now.. He was suppose to be home two hours ago. It had been like this for over a month now.

Lukas paced the front room his phone in hand. He checked the message but it still hadn't been open.

‘Are you coming home soon?’

He had sent that a half an hour ago. The heavy weight of dread sat in the bottom of his stomach. He knew what was happening. He had had partners in the past who had done the same, he knew the signs, but he didn't want to admit it. This time was supposed to be different.

The door handle began to move and he collected himself. The door opened and in came Matthias. He was a mess, his tie and top buttons undone and hair disheveled. Signs.

“Hey.” Matthias said tiredly as he placed his keys on the table and his jacket on the hook.

“Hey.” He responded quietly.

Matthias looked at the clock on the wall, then back to him. He pushed a lock of Lukas’ hair behind his ear and began, “You didn't have to wait for me to get home. You should be asleep.”

He didn't look at him, his arms were crossed but he couldn't help but sink further into the soft touch, tiling his head to his hand, “I can't sleep.”

Matthias mumbled a short apology and placed a quick kiss on his forehead, then walked past him to their bedroom. Lukas followed shortly after and sat himself down on their bed and waited for him to follow. Once he did, the light was turned off and there they lied.

Lukas looked to his partner and moved himself closer and placed his hand gingerly on his chest.

Matthias turned his head to look at him, “hm?”

The feeling of dread hadn't subsided still. He didn't respond vocally but instead pulled him into a kiss. He tried to speed up the kiss but his partner stayed at his own pace. His hand slowly moved from his chest down his body but it was stopped when Matthias pulled away.

“Not tonight. I'm tired. I was working late” He grunted and tried to instead pull Lukas to him just to hold, but he pushed himself away fully and turned his back to his partner and stayed on the edge of the bed, “It's fine. It's hot in here anyways.”

The weight that rested in his stomach only grew. He knew the signs, but he didn't want to believe it. He trusted him.

* * *

 

When Lukas woke up in the morning the other half of the bed was empty. Of course this wasn't new, Matthias had always been an early riser so he had grown accustomed to the empty space.

Lukas sat up slowly. It was Sunday, which meant Matthias didn't work that day. With a sigh he stood up and went downstairs.

“Matthias?” He asked to the house.

He walked into the kitchen and looked to the counter were a note sat,

“went to get coffee.

      -m”

He left the note were it was and went back upstairs and decided to take a shower.

 

He turned on the water, waited for it to heat up and began to disrobe. He turned to the mirror and looked himself in the eyes. His face was pale in contrast to the dark bags under his eyes. His hair was a mess and he had a blank expression, like always. He wasn't his old self. With a sigh he got into the shower and let the water wash over him. It had been stressful for the past few months. His work had had major cutbacks and unfortunately he had been cut as well. He was trying to find a new job but nothing had come back yet so he spent his days at home cleaning an already clean house.

He had wondered if that was the reason for everything but he just didn't know.

 

* * *

 

The day went past quickly and now the sun was in the final stretch of it’s decent when he heard it. The confirmation that the dread he felt was right.

He had been coming down the stairs when he heard Matthias’ voice in a one sided conversation,

“Yeah.”

“I took the day off for this and everything.”

“Really?”

“No, that sounds good.”

“Mhm.”

“Haha. Don't worry about Lukas. He’s going out tomorrow til’ about 5.”

“Yeah.”

“Mhm.”

“You're overthinking things. You'll be in and out before he's even on his way home.”

“I'll clean up any mess we make, stop worrying.”

“Haha. Yeah?”

“Alright. See you then.”

 

He hadn't wanted to believe it, but now he couldn't deny it. He couldn't, but he could push it away. He could ignore it for now. He continued downstairs the dread that had haunted him felt heavier than ever. It filled his stomach and he felt like he could throw up.

* * *

 

Matthias sat across from him at the table. Lukas pushed his food around the plate and stared at it intensely, he couldn't eat. He knew Matthias had spent hours making it but he couldn't eat it.  
  
“Special day tomorrow.” He said awkwardly in the heavy tensions, but no response came.   
  
He tried again, “Happy almost birthday!”   
  
“Thank you.” Lukas hissed.   
  
The only sound was silverware against the plates and the sound of the air conditioning humming.   
  
“Are you feeling okay? You aren't eating.”   
  
“I'm not hungry.” He spat. He couldn't look at him so he stared at the table instead. His plate was still full but Matthias had long since finished so he stood and brought his plate to the sink and began to wash it.   
  
“Lukas, I know it's been…. hard for you la-,” Matthias started. He was cut off when he reached around Lukas’ waist and was met with the loud sound of Lukas slamming the dish he held against the counter. He quickly withdrew from him and Lukas continued what he was doing.   
  
“Lately,” He finished. He moved next to him and leaned in to try and meet his gaze. “And I haven't been here, but tonight I'm all yours.”   
  
Lukas didn't look up but he finished what he was doing and started work on the rest of the kitchen. He didn't respond and left him standing there.   
  
“I love you.” Matthias said, but his voice was weak. It was fake. It was all fake. It grated against his ears like nails on a chalkboard. He quickened his pace, but Matthias just wouldn't stop, he wouldn't leave him alone. Matthias stood next to him again and rested his hand on top of his and it caused his skin to crawl. He yanked his hand away knocking a glass of water over which spilled on the floor.   
  
He walked away, “I'm going to bed.”

 

* * *

 

When tomorrow came he wanted to cancel his plans and stay home, but he couldn't. Emil was in college now and he rarely saw him, but he was coming to see him and he didn't want to ruin his trip so he went anyway knowing what would happen.

He and Emil did what they planned but he couldn't stop thinking. He felt sick by dread all day. The weight became a pit and it hurt. His stomach felt like knots had formed.

By the end of the day he wasn't sure if he wanted to go home, even as he and Emil were walking back to his car, Emil, rambling on about the internship he had taken.

“Do you want me to drive?” He asked.

“You're not insured on the car anymore.” He responded lightly.

“I know, but you just seem out of it.” He parted to the passenger side of the car, “I just thought I'd offer.” He added.

* * *

 

When they got home the house was quiet and dark. The pair turned to the living room and was met with a gathering of people.

“Happy birthday!!!”

“Oh. Thank you.” He said sitting down. He didn't remember being told Tino and Berwald would be coming over, but he had probably just forgotten.

He was handed a drink by Tino and wished a happy birthday again.

It was nice of them to be here but he really didn't want them to be. He didn't want Emil to be there either, or Matthias, he just wanted to be alone but they were all already there.

Matthias sat down on the couch next to him. “The full five together! It's been awhile, huh?”

Lukas moved closer to the arm of the couch and took a sip from his drink. The room was filled with laughter and talk from the group of old friends. He wanted to join them but he couldn't. Everything felt wrong. Everyone seemed to move weirdly and the voices were too loud. He could feel the ache in his chest and that washed over his other senses. He was furious and he was miserable. He felt so betrayed. And he was mad, he wanted to kick and scream and shout, but he wouldn't. So he just sat.

Matthias rested his hand on his leg in what was supposed to be comforting and said, away from the joined conversation and just to him, “Are you feeling alright?”

Everything in him tensed. His skin felt like it was crawling and burning and it spread from where his hand was to the rest of him and it felt disgusting. How did he have the nerve to do this, to ask him if he was alright. Like he cared. Like he meant it. It hurt. Everything hurt. He crossed his legs so his hand fell away and screwed his eyes shut. He didn't want to be here anymore. He wanted to leave. But he couldn't so he sat with his arms crossed tightly, gripping onto the fabric on each sleeve.

And then the same feeling again this time on his forehead head.

“You feel a little hot, mayb-” Lukas slapped his arm away forcefully, stood up and began towards the back of the house. The group became dead quiet and Matthias quickly followed after him.

“Lukas?! What is wrong??” He asked in an urgent tone as he followed behind. He grabbed Lukas’ arm but instead of stopping he yelled,

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” And yanked his arm away swinging his other fist for a punch that never landed. Matthias put his hands up in surrender and shock. Lukas was never one to yell. This was the first time he had heard this from him and it scared him.

Lukas started to walk again and went out the back door which Matthias followed, but to his surprise Lukas didn't keep walking once he was outside, he stopped and turned to face him.

“Are you bored of me?” He asked desperately, “Am I not enough??”

“What?”

“Don't be stupid!” He couldn't keep the dread in anymore and tears flowed from his eyes and his breathing was ragged.

“Who was it?” He asked, “GOD! Was it on our bed?”

“Lukas?" 

“Stop playing dumb! I know! I know! You wanted me out of the house yesterday- I heard you! You were the one who planned for me to go with Emil- and - and all for them?? How long have you been meeting with them?? God- I knew it! This is what you’ve been doing,– ‘overtime’!” Lukas wept, “I thought you loved me!” He said as he ran his hands through his hair frantically, dislodging the pin, which fell to the ground. His breathing was panicked and his face was red and wet. Saliva trailed from his mouth in thin lines that caught the light oddly.

The reality finally sunk in and Matthias realized what he was saying, “Lukas...”

“What do you want??! I- I can do it! Please!” Lukas sobbed again, his breathing becoming even more frantic, “I love you!”

“Lukas,” he said softly, forcefully keeping his voice soft, “I wouldn’t do that to you. Please calm down.”

“No! Who was it?? Who was here?!” He choked, folding his arms tightly together and wiping his face with a free hand.

“Tino came by today and that's it! This- This is all in your head,” his said, his voice soft and saddened, “I love you. We were trying to make this a surprise for you.”

“What was the overtime then? I asked you before! And- and you never said anything!” Lukas said between harsh shaking breaths.

“I've been working more to get enough money for the gift I wanted to give ya. I know you’ve been home sick ever since we moved here so I set up a trip for us to go over to Norway for a while.. The tickets are inside, but I can show you later.” He said. He moved over to him slowly, put his arms out slightly and asked quietly, “Can I?”

Lukas nodded in response and let himself be held. Sobs racked his body and be didn't try to stop. Relief wafted over him and he pulled his arms around Matthias shaking. 

“I'm sorry!” He said in the midst of his crying, “I'm an idiot, I'm sorry!”

Matthias raked his fingers through his hair and said, “Don't say that. You're not an idiot, you're just stressed right now. I'm not mad at you.”

“You should be.” His breathing had calmed down but his voice still carried the wavering tone of sorrow.

“Don't say that.” Matthias said lightly. “Do you want to go back in?”

“No.” He almost squeaked.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don't know.”

“Do you want to sit out here for a bit?”

Lukas nodded in response and the two pulled apart momentarily, then sat down on the steps leading up to the house, Lukas leaning on Matthias in a half hug. Lukas wiped the wetness from his eyes and they sat in silence for a while, until he let out a chuckle and said, “God, I don't remember the last time I cried like that.”

“And on your birthday too!” Matthias humored pulling him closer, “That should be illegal.”

“Oof.” Lukas said monotony as he was pulled closer.

“Tino seems worried,” Lukas looked up to see Matthias scrolling through his phone.

“Sorry.”

“Eh. Don't be. You know Tino. He worries about everything.”

“Mm.” He responded, “What were you guys doing anyway?” He asked nonchalant.

“Oh! We should go back in soon! Tino and I baked the cake cause the store didn't have the kind you liked.” He said excitedly.

“Oh. Thanks,” he said, genuinely appreciative.

“Mhm!” Matthias hummed. He then leaned forward slightly to pick up the cross pin that had fallen. He then guided Lukas’ chin to look at him, made an attempt to style his hair in its normal fashion and clipped the pin awkwardly in his hair.

“Ehh. It looks better when you do it.” He said with a chuckle.

“I'm sure it's fine.” He said resting his head on his shoulder. “I love you." 

“I love you too.” He said in response, playing with Lukas’ hair lightly.

“I'm sorry..” He said obviously trying to keep from crying again.

“It's okay,” he said breathing out, “We're going to put this behind us.”

Lukas just nodded and silence fell between them. For the next five minutes or so Lukas would switch a few times from calm, to being on the brink of tears again, then calming back down when Matthias shushed him. After that he pulled away from Matthias and wiped his face.

“Uhf. I'm sorry. I'm okay. We can go back in.” He said.

“Alright,” he said and leaned in for a short kiss, after which the two went back inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! Well- Leave a comment if you'd like, cause, I mean, I would lol. If you see any mistakes also fell free to tell me!


End file.
